Hey Everyone! I hope life is going well. I have been in a very weird place lately. By lately I mean my whole life. I get these incredible ideas that I just know will help completely change my life for the better, but I have the hardest time moving forward or following through. This pattern of behaviors will sometimes send me into a crazy spiral that usually involves fear, failure, shame, despair and a myriad of other not great feeling emotions. Some times it is easy to believe that there is something inherently wrong with me. That the value of my life is based off of my seeming inability to move forward. Being a psychic being I know that this is not the truth. I know that I am more than my behaviors and I am more than the feelings I may be expressing in the moment. It is kind of absurd how powerful these feelings can be. Since I am the only person who ever has these feelings or can be overpowered by self doubt,(sarcasm) I felt like it would be a helpful post.
One thing that has been so complicated for me is the disconnect between how I feel and what I know to be true. I know that I am talented, I know that my voice and actions have value but it doesn't stop that black pit in my heart or abdomen from convincing me different. It is like looking at a big beautiful blue sky while seeing it as a dark and miserable day. Sometimes it is like looking at a dark cloudy day and forgetting that beyond those clouds is still an expansive blue sky. It can be easy to forget that the clouds and the rain and the weather are their own things separate from the sky. Eventually the clouds will pass and still the sky will remain. The sky is not at all defined by the clouds even if they completely encompass it. Just as I am not defined by the things I may be feeling.
So if I know that something isn't necessarily the truth why is it that it still has such an impact on my life? Well just like any area we may wish to improve, knowing is only a fraction of the battle. Action is only a portion of the battle. For me I struggle with having the knowledge in a moment where I can actually take action. I forget to pay attention to myself. To be present with my own solutions. When I did massage I would think and meditate all day on things I wanted to do to improve my life. I would be with a client just counting the minutes til the end of the day. Then I could do something for me. The day would come to a close and at home I would be too tired or distracted. I wouldn't act on those things I had thought about. I eventually got to the point that I dreaded doing massage. It was a kind of torture. I had the quiet space to think but not the space to create. When I did have the space, I didn't have the desire or energy to. A problem that follows me to this day. I find myself in a place where I have loads of time. So fucking much. What I lack is the drive or confidence to follow through. At least kind of.
So this is me using my knowledge to take action. I tell my students and clients that they have the ability to find their own information. They have the ability to see a problem and find a solution. Maybe I should take my own advice and be a psychic in this instance. I am going to look at my own space psychically and write about what I find. I will list off the things in my space that make it hard for me to focus or find motivation. I have a ton of shit that I want to get done in this lifetime and I don't have time for this junk anymore!
I hope this helps you as well in reading it with me. This reading is really only about me but if any of the things that I find in my space strike a cord with you please feel free to meditate and process as it feels right.
Start of Reading
The first thing I see right away is all this gray net like energy in my aura. It is fine almost like screen material, but still strong and sturdy. A kind of disorienting trap. It is meant to trap me in a way that I feel lost and helpless. No movement, and no awareness. It is an incredibly strong factor in keeping me from doing what I want.
I see this net like energy anchoring into big bulbous swirling black energies in my chakras. I think each major chakra and many of the minor chakras have these anchors. The energy I see is all bout fear and pain and control. A kind of slavery energy. The more I fight against it the stronger it gets. Resistance makes it stronger. It is like a caged tiger who tries to chew through the bars but just ends up breaking all of its teeth. The act of the fight makes it weaker than it was in the process. The black energy is also full of hopelessness. I will never win so why bother fighting. This space is also chock full of super aggressive and controlling masculine energy. It makes me think of an abusive patriarch who rules his clan with little care and even less compassion. The only options are to bend to his will or be broken.
As I work this energy I feel instant relief. This is where I know I don't have to live a life based on this energy or these beliefs. I imagine those black anchors dissolving away. As they do I can feel little black granules, kind of like gravel leaving my space. Each one of them represents and idea or believe that I bought into. A believe that wasn't from me or in my best interest. Beliefs that act like programming setting me on auto pilot. where there was darkness I see and feel an open expanse. I fill that space with the things I know to be true. I fill it with confidence, strength, self love, wisdom, patience and everything else I need in this moment.
I see the black netting start to dissolve now that it doesn't have the strength of the anchors. It is kind of funny. As it dissolves I see all this scurrying energy. It kind of reminds me of roaches when a light is turned on. I see these "roaches" as more unwanted programming. They were hiding in the gray energy as if it were a dense fog. I collect up all the "roach" energy and watch as it to melts away into nothing. I can see that they were things like fear, shame, jealousy, judgement, resistance, doubt, anger, grief, control and a million other things. These energies were kind of like links in a dark rusty chain. With them gone the chain crumbles to dust. Once again I bring in all the things I want in this moment. I fill myself up with golden light. Now my space is clean and clear.
End of Reading
Wow I really needed that. I knew I wanted to post something but I just let my intuition flow and I am glad I did. I can often times over think things and end up with nothing. I keep getting the info to hold nothing back, so I wont!
I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. Let me know what holds you back from doing the things you want to do. Let me know if you got any info for yourself or if you had a connection with the info I got for myself. Let me know if you hated this and think I should go delete everything. I probably won't do that but I still want to hear from you.
If you feel like you have been stuck or would like some psychic info into your own life contact me for a reading
. I would love to hear from you!
Thanks and have a psychic day!