Forced Silence: A Past Life pt1

I know I am a day late but it has been a busy week! All sorts of fun things happening these last few days. This week I am going to look at a past life I actually looked at last week. I went to a meet up group based on the law of attraction. The woman who runs it walked us through a past life regression. The things I saw in that past life were so powerful I just knew I had to share them. A word of warning. This past life had some intense forms of abuse and deals with some unpleasant themes. In this past life I am a young boy. Between the ages of 11 and 13. I am very dark skinned. I am aware of this because I am only one of a few dark skinned people in this life time. I am a eunuch and a slave. I am a domestic servant in the harem of a powerful man. I do not know exactly where I am or what year it is but it is in the Middle East after the rise of Muhammad. I have been a slave for most of my life. I can remember my mother in bits and pieces but that is all I remember of my previous life. I can remember her screams as the men took me from her. Sometimes in my dreams I can hear her sobbing. I don't like to think about that. When I was taken the men castrated me. A eunuch is worth more. They gave me some sort of potion. It caused me to lose my voice. Speaking is painful and I make barely any sounds. Where I am going I will be valued for my silence. I have lived in this harem for 3 years. Give or take. As a child I am highly prized. I do not know this. I just keep my head down and do my work. My life is very comfortable though I have no real comparison.  I am dressed in silks and other fine fabrics. Usually in lighter shades, light yellow, blue, or white. To show off my dark skin. My hair is done up in long braids or dreads. They glitter and tinkle with beads made of gold and ivory. I am not old enough to adopt the traditional headgear of the eunuch. I wear gold and jewels. None of this belongs to me. It is a display of great wealth. I am a display of great wealth. I was a gift to the lords new wife. A girl barely older than I am. She is 15 or 16 at most. I first met her when she was heavy with her first child. It was a girl. I help her with her children. She also has a boy just born. Her youth and male hair make her one of the lord's favorite. She lives in a large private apartment. The lord showers us with gifts. Life is good but we in a dangerous position. The lord's other wives grow jealous of her status. I love her and her children. She is one of the few people in my life who have shown me kindness. She is very gentle. Each day I help her bath in a large bathing pool. Even though I am a eunuch it would be inappropriate for us to be naked together so we both wear bathing gowns. Our nakedness is visible as the wet fabric clings to our skin. I wash her hair. I use rose water and soap made from sheep's milk and jasmine. Her young daughter splashes and plays in the pool. A maid nurses her son in the other room. She tells me of her troubles, her hopes and her dreams. I cannot talk back but I know she finds comfort in my presence. I have often cradled her as she cries long into the night. I may only be a eunuch but I do my best to bring her warmth and peace. She is my best friend. I would die for her. Today she is excited. The lord wishes to spend the day with her and the children. Well her and his son. He will greet his daughter with a kiss and I will scurry her off to remain quiet and unseen. I am ok with this. I love her. I have cared for her since the day she was born. I love it when we play. I will help teach her how to be beautiful like her mother. She will have a powerful husband and many sons. we play until it is time for the nurse to feed her. I am jealous of this. I will never be able to feed these children whom I love so much. I help put the little girl to bed. With my mistress and her children taken care of I am finally alone. Well as alone as a person can be in a palace full of hundreds of people. The lord has 15 or so wives and the harem alone has almost 200 slaves and servants. I am not the only eunuch my mistress has but I am her favorite. I hope I am her favorite. It is time for me to eat. Usually I would eat with her and the children, but with the lord there I must fend for myself. As a eunuch of the lord's favorite I am not welcome with the other wives or their servants. There is fierce competition from the top all the way to the very bottom.  I find another of my mistress' servants. A woman in her late 20's. She is responsible for our lady's wardrobe. With my problems communicating I have difficulties forming relationships. She is one of the few. "Have you eaten?" she asks me?  I gesture no. Living in a palace there is always food available. Servants lay out trays of succulent meats, smoked fish, fruits and vegetables of every type. My lord grows sugar cane so sweets and candies abound. I could have been a sugar slave. Toiling in the cane fields till I die from exhaustion. The other servants tell me this. They say snidely that the only thing that saved me was the loss of my manhood. I do not doubt them. I am grateful I am a eunuch. We eat in hurried silence. My mistress may be busy but there is always work to do. I leave the woman and progress about my duties. I am walking down a hallway and before me is my lord's mother. She is older, her beauty faded. I avoid her if I can. She is dark and cruel. Her dark robes and head wrapping engulf her. She sees me. Like a wolf who spies a rabbit. I bow as she walks towards me. I pray she will not stop. I can see her stop before me. I wait for her to address me. "I haven't seen you or your mistress about lately. My new grandson must keep you busy." I gesture yes. My lord's mother does not like her daughter-in-law. She is the daughter of a great lord to the west. My mistress is the daughter of a humble farmer. A nobody. Beautiful in body and spirit. Things my lord finds valuable while his mother does not. The old woman says, "Let me look at you." She grabs my face till I am looking her in the eyes. Her nails sharp against my skin, her gasp firm.  It is times like this where I feel so alone and exposed. I know not to pull away. She examines my face "We are lucky you are just a eunuch. Were you a girl my son would not hesitate to take you to his marriage bed. Then we would be stuck with your mongrel children." She grabs where my genitals would be for emphasis. Tears form in my eyes and it takes everything I can not to cry. Not for this woman. She squeezes my face one last time and pushes me away from her. I stumble and fall against the wall. "No matter." she says. "There are ways of dealing with mongrel children. As you will know soon enough." She leaves and I am once again alone. I am confused. What does she mean by this? I cannot have children. I am neither male or female. I am the nothing in between. This is the end of part one. I hope you enjoyed this past life. If you are interested in getting a past life reading or learning how to do a past life reading go HERE!

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